Negative feedback always hurts initially. I hardly know anyone who does not feel this way. Nevertheless it is often more important and useful than positive feedback. Here are a few tips to help you accept feedback professionally, both internally and externally. 

I don’t know about you, but for me negative feedback is often like a kick in the stomach. Depending on how important other peoples opinions are for you, you will take feedback more or less personally. However, in my experience, no one is completely unaffected by it. 

After all, we do our best and try as good as possible, don’t we? That feedback is often not well received has also to do with the fact that many people do not know how to give it constructively*. And also, if praise is scarce, negative feedback goes down particularly badly. A good balance would to give at least four times as much praise as criticism. 

But, as always, you cannot change others, you can only work on yourself. So here are a few tips to help you accept feedback better: 

1. Remember the past
   Remember what criticism has done for you in the past. I often find that negative feedback was justified and helped me move forward. The more often I experienced this, the easier it was to listen to feedback and think about it. Sometimes bad news about yourself needs to come from the outside, because you don’t see it yourself.
2. Work on your self-confidence
   The better my self-confidence became, the more relaxed I felt about feedback. It still isn’t pleasant. But today I can cope with negative feedback , and understand it much better. One major difference: I no longer regard criticism as a rejection of myself, but as feedback about an action or behaviour. Of course, my self-confidence did not grow by itself, I have worked on it. Above all, the coaching method Logosynthesis has helped me in this.
3. Listen to feedback calmly
   There is no feedback on feedback. Feedback is the opinion of a person and it is not negotiable. Nothing is more unpleasant for the other side than to find the courage to say something negative and then be drawn into a discussion about what is right or wrong. If you want to appear professional and confident, listen to the criticism first and do not comment on it. It is worth it because it gives you time to think. If you absolutely must, you can always react later. But you will certainly be calmer and more thoughtful than if you answer spontaneously.
4. Consider seriously
   Honestly, in my opinion negative feedback is often true. But sometimes it takes quite a while until your ego shuts up and you can honestly reflect. And with a little time you will be able to understand why your counterpart sees it that way. Give yourself this time. Be honest with yourself and try to take the other person’s point of view. Your ego, by the way, tells you the story that you would like to believe about yourself. This is not always helpful and almost never leads to inner growth. If you want to get better and learn, the feedback of others can often be more helpful than your ego story.
5. Make a choice
   The beauty is that you do not have to accept feedback. I rarely get feedback on my methods in the seminar, but it happens from time to time. I only implement such feedback very sporadically. I have developed my style as a trainer over twenty years and know exactly why I do things. Nevertheless, I always think about criticism, but especially on this point I often decide to stick to my approach.By the way, you do not have to tell the feedback giver, that you decided that way. Exception: if the topic is of importance between you and the other person , you should try to talk about it again. You may then have to negotiate a compromise. At the very least, it can sometimes be useful to explain why you will not accept a suggestion. In most cases, however, it is better to decide for yourself and keep quiet. Anything else will otherwise quickly seem like justification and anything but confident. 

Then there are of course the “eternal complainers” who are never satisfied and always have something to lament. You may have to get a thick skin and stop listening so much when dealing with these people. But you may also need to take a more drastic step by removing such a permanent nagger from your life. 

*By the way, I have already written something on the subject of giving feedback. Here you can read the blog post about giving feedback.