Sometimes we are pushed more by drivers, our own and others’ expectations and beliefs than by our true self. This can be stressful and is almost never the ideal way to a fulfilled life. But how do you get rid of this false ego and find yourself?

Many still know the „ego-version“ of me, which I have embodied for years: Dressed up and in high heels, certainly successful and always stressed. Besides these exterior aspects, my ego has also taken quite a toll on me on the inside. There was a completely different story: ‘Your colleagues are all much better than you, earn more money and work even more. You’re not an entrepreneur, but you should be…” Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No one wants to listen to that. 

But who or what is this ego? Eckhardt Tolle defines it as “the story we tell about ourselves” and also points out that it prevents us from living our true self. This story is fed by the family and their beliefs, by drivers but also by social expectations. Of course, we wouldn’t have to care about these, but we do far too often. Why else would we want more and more, fly higher and higher and faster and faster and break ourselves in the process?

So the key is to get rid of these expectations and ideas and to find out what you really are and want in life. But if you are like me, you know that this is not so easy. First you have to get behind the self-delusion. You have to recognize what you are telling yourself and what of it might not be good for you. And that means paying attention to yourself. I’m avoiding the word mindfulness uptight here, because it’s such a buzzword, but in the end it is. To be mindful, to pay attention to how you really feel.

But that is not enough. For me coaching has worked well. With the help of my coaches I have become more and more aware of the messages I actually carry around with me. At the same time I was able to strengthen my self-confidence. That too becomes much easier when all the critical voices in the subconscious are finally silenced. The mean thing is that the messages, beliefs and ideas are mostly not ours at all, but those of our family members who have been burdened with them somewhere. Behind such a sentence there is often a whole field of ancestors or even the cultures into which we were born. Prussian discipline, Swiss modesty or Hanseatic decency come to mind. 

Over time I was able to slowly peel away these “layers” and reveal myself more and more underneath. I am not yet at the end but I am certainly a big step further. 

Here is my advise: First of all become aware of yourself. Notice how you are going in your current life. What fits and what triggers negative feelings in you? Take yourself seriously and work on finding more of what really belongs to you. And get help with that. Coaches like me have great methods – in my case Logosynthesis – that can free you from your stressful ego and clear the way to your self.This has consequences, brings changes in your life. I admit that. But it also leads to higher satisfaction and happiness.  And in the end you will become the much better contribution to the human community than you could ever be with ego.