Corona restrictions continue and the family is sitting on top of each other. Things are not going as they should. This can lead to stress. But it is also a good occasion to improve family communication once and for all. 

Surely you need a good portion of tolerance at the moment in order to deal with the current situation, especially in the family. After all, you don’t usually squat together day after day, with little distraction and hardly any chance to avoid each other. 

However, tolerance does not mean to ignore everything. If something keeps bugging you, you have to address it or it will never stop. Simple example: Your partner, who is currently in the home office, leaves all his work documents on the dining table day and night. If you weren’t constantly clearing everything up, there wouldn’t be any room left for you to eat. To prevent stress when you bring up the subject, here are a few tips for constructive feedback: 

1. Talk about the problem, not about the person
   Especially if you’ re annoyed, there is a high risk that your feedback will unintentionally become personal. “You always leave your stuff lying around” or “You don’t care what our home looks like” are typical sentences that can arise in situations like this. Be aware that it is not about them personally, but only about the behaviour and phrase your message accordingly.It is best to start with a simple description of the facts: “At the moment you leave your work things on the table after you have finished work for the day…”. Very important: Avoid generalizations, interpretations and accusations.
2. Talk about the effects
   In most cases, a mere description of the situation is not enough to mobilise the other person. Therefore also describe the effects you experience. These can be emotional or organisational. It’s best to describe them right after the first sentence: “…and I realize I can’t really relax if I have to see your work all the time.”It is best to think about these first two sentences beforehand. Then do not let yourself be interrupted while you say them. Most of the time, the effects will cause a certain amount of dismay on the other person. Often they simply did not think about the consequences. Nevertheless, the other person usually doesn’t like if something causes you stress or other negative feelings.
3. Involve the other person in the search for a solution
   Don’t just give a pre-set solution. Because if you do, your previously objective speech can still lead to resistance. It is better to work together on how the problem can be solved in the future. Maybe you are simply in favour of clearing up, without any ifs and buts. However, your partner may find that they take too long in the morning to get back on track. But together you will surely find a solution. This could for example be boxes or folders into which the documents are sorted and which can be stacked up in the evening and placed in a corner of the room.Respect the interests of your conversation partner just as you respect yours. Only if both of you are happy with the solution will it work in the long run. But also let them engage actively in working on a solution. This also contributes to acceptance.

One more thing: When you worked together to solve a problem, the relationship improves every time. And over time you will get practice, so in many cases there will not be stress at all. Believe me! I experienced all this with my husband and we became really good at it.